i hope that someone gets my message in a bottle.

So lately I've been wanting to compose a list of things people may not know about me. But I really have no idea why I have that urge to just spill my guts.



-I have a thing against pretzels. I cannot stand to eat them if they're in Chex Mix but I love them dipped in chocolate.



-I have crazy vivid dreams and usually remember them. Like last night I felt like I was dreaming, but was really awake, though I was still dreaming. ]



-As much as I would like to say I've grown up, I don't think I have. I rely way too much on my parents still.



-This may be a blog post that needs to be dedicated to itself, but I feel so much pressure to get engaged. I know I know. I'm 19, two months from 20, and don't even have enough money to live on my own, let alone try and support a family (though I'm no where near wanting kids). I know about 8 people who've gotten married or engaged this summer and it unnerves me. Like I'm behind, even though I'm sort of ahead for my age. There is way way way too much in life left to do before I even think about settling down. Thus I hate this feeling like I'm not doing something right.



-I have developed a bit of stage fright. Which is odd because I love the stage. But everytime I even think about getting back up on a stage or in front of people I don't know to sing I get extreme butterflies in my stomach. In fact when I think of possibly trying out for American Idol I almost feel like I'm going to throw up, and I get extremely nervous when I think about trying out for Singarama. I've been trying to figure out what I would try out on all summer. Is that weird? Very.



-I have decided to change my major yet again. I'm not sure why I even thought about doing American Studies. That was very dumb of me. But now I'm thinking Marketing/Graphic Design with a possible minor in Public Relations. I don't know why I came to this decision, though I attribute my thought process to Jill Thompson and her apparent love of both. I have a craving to design stuff, but I just need someone to need me to do something.



-I guess this isn't unknown, but my secret desire is to be a photographer. But everything I love to do seems to not be making much money these days, so I'm not a very good planner.



-Oh that's another thing. I am stupid. I think I put this smart air off, but I am so ridiculously dumb. I don't make good choices for myself, even though I think I am. I say silly things, do silly things, make silly decisions for myself... I really only attribute my good gpa in high school to such low standards that the county set for us. And apparently everyone else who went to any other school got a better education. Ha.

-I am actually very nervous about going to Vienna. Half of me is overjoyed, exhuberant about being away for three months in Europe... EUROPE! Like I love it already but I know I'll love it even more when I come home. And then the other half of me is petrified of what will happen while I'm there. What will come of certain relationships, what will come of my GPA, how will I manage to write a research paper while I'm there, or get anything done besides just travelling. Because that's all I'm going to want to do.

-I have stopped watching the Disney Channel. Which is sorta a big step for me, though I still know most of the music on it, and I kinda went to see Jordan Pruitt, David Archuleta, and Demi Lovato last night. But I didn't know any of Demi's stuff except la la land, and I only know that from Pandora. And being the biggest kid there last night didn't prevent me from buying a bag. :) And even though it was a Disney production I have got to admit that it was a great concert. Jordan was phenomenal, she should be bigger than most of the other stars on that channel, David was great even though he was sick, I would really like for him to sing to me every night. :)
My mom and I only stayed for like 4 of Demi's song, but she was pretty good too.
And apparently Taylor Swift was in the audience as well as Dylan and Cole Sprouse. Weird.

-I'm ready for something. I'm not sure what, and maybe it's just Vienna, but I cannot stay focused here anymore. I've gotta move. Do something different. Be away from a computer longer than a weekend.

I'm going to Shakespeare in the park tonight with my darling, and I'm pretty excited about it. David Corlew FTW! :)