My God is Mighty to Save.

This weekend has been beyond incredible. Friday was pretty easy and included a trip to Centennial park which has always been a favorite spot of mine in the city. Then I took engagement pictures for Sara and Matt. I have never hung out with them together, but they are so precious together. :)

this is my favorite and assumedly everyone else's.

Friday night we went to the hypnotist at school and it was so hilarious. Then later we went to IHOP, and even though Tim was terribly late, we had a great time.

We slept in ridiculously late on Saturday and watched movies until we could go to Bethany's. We loaded up and went waaaaay out to her new house (which is amazing by the way). We watched Sound of Music for Meredith and I was very glad she enjoyed it. Now we can run through the streets of Salzburg singing Do Re Mi.

When we left we got stopped by a sobriety check point and well I got my space invaded. I found it random and misplaced, but hey Franklin really wants their streets safe, so I guess you have to do it. :)

This morning we went to Otter Creek and tonight we went to Ethos. I had never been to either and I was very surprised I enjoyed both. I found it very interesting that both main speakers had something to say about trusting God. It basically smacked me in the face. In my life lately I've been trying to deal with everything by myself, trusting only myself to get through it. I don't want to give it to God because it's too petty, and not important enough to even try and tell Him about it. Or I want to figure it out myself or be mad about it so I have something to hold onto. But I don't like this feeling. This feeling of how in any move I make, I WILL hurt someone, even if it is myself. I don't want to hurt my first love, I don't want to hurt any potentials, I don't want to hurt my heart. I'm more worried about the first one. That I will hurt him too much that he will never want me again. Even though I feel like what we're doing is the right thing.

But my problems are nothing compared to what is even happening in Nashville. Just on the way home alone we saw a prostitute and a pimp, and their problems are probably so much more heavier than mine. Mine will be settled in a few months no doubt, just a small mole hill to get over. But there's could be life changing.

Suffice to say, I need to trust God more. Like the way I can trust just about any new person I meet. If I can do that, why is it so hard to trust my maker? My Father? The One who knows me better than I know myself? It's hard to let go of my emotions and just be happy no matter what. And I don't know what I want.

So Lord, please help me give this all to You. Help me TRUST you and Your will and plan for me. Help me not give into temptation and let me believe in what you have prepared for my future. You know my beginning and end. My now and forever. I have to TRUST that You will get me through everything.

Thanks.

size 12 is NOT fat, neither is 14.

Well the year has begun. We have 13 days to go, and I already feel stressed beyond belief. There is way more to this trip than I originally thought and I think I would have really appreciated it if they had told us before hand. Not that I would have given it up, but who really wants to be doing research/homework while they're in Italy/Germany/Spain/Greece? I signed up for 5 days of classes and no more.

Sigh. But that's a lot of complaining, and I apologize. I am still rather excited to be heading across the world in a couple of days. I'm nowhere near packed. In fact my suitcase is just sitting helplessly beside my pile of stuff to take. I'm sure it's thinking "get in my belleh!!" and can't figure out why I would torture it so. Well calm down dear one, you will be stuffed to the brim come September 9th.

I've really enjoyed coming back and hanging out around school. It's been really good to see everyone, and I really forgot how much I miss having everything and everyone centrally located. It was such a breeze coming back (although I didn't bring half the stuff I would normally) and I have felt more at ease this year than I did last year. I guess that was a given though since I was a freshman and freaked out about everything.

Our classes so far have been ok. The bible class is really making me look at Christian art in a different light. I am seeing it for the cheesy thing it is, and realizing that yes in fact, we Christians will buy anything with an image of Jesus or any other Biblical thing on it, whether it's cheesy or not, because it's "religious" and we should like it.

True confession time... in our Humanities class we've been looking at a lot of art throughout the centuries, and I have got to admit that in doing this I have never felt more beautiful. We studied several images from the 1700-1800s and many showed naked women. But instead of being repulsed, I kinda felt better about myself. These women were voluptuous with curves and yet still poignantly graceful. They were what was ideal back then, such a reverse of today. In seeing these women, I felt like I would have been beautiful to some one, instead of just being a bit bigger than the average twig we see everyday on tv and in magazines. And recently, Glamour magazine put a plus sized model in their magazine, but seriously, that girl was NOT plus sized. When did plus size have to be a size 12? If so then I fail at life. I seriously hate American ideals.

I just have to hold onto the fact that I would have been beautiful in another time. :)

I guess that's enough ranting today. I just felt like I needed to actually update instead of letting this fall by the wayside. Have a terrific Thursday!

goodbye sweet summer.

I have one weekend before school starts up again for the fall. Half of me does NOT want to go back... I am apprehensive about being "homeless" for a few weeks and about being stuck in the same class room with the same people for about 7 hours each day. I'm ready to be packing and getting ready to leave for Vienna. Even though there is SO much to do before I leave.

I was talking with my good friend Nick the other day about how this summer may possibly be the last summer with all of us together. I feel like something is going to change drastically next year that we won't be able to stop. We have apartments, we're going abroad, we're moving to Chicago or Montana, and I feel like I'm already grasping at ideas to keep us together next summer (and in fact I already have the parentals permission. Woo!). There is just this part of me though that knows that things won't ever be the same. It won't be as easy to get everyone together for a random laser tag night or movie night anymore. But maybe I'm being pessimistic. Though the other day I read some quote that said "It's great to be pessimistic, you are either proven right, or delightfully surprised." :) I kinda like that.

But I hope that I can hold on tightly to my high school friends as well as my college ones, because they changed my life as much as the new ones have. You know that old Girl Scout song, "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the others gold." ;) Although I never got the point of tying shiny elements into a song... This summer has actually been better in some respects than last summer. I feel like I balanced everything really well. Boy time, friend time (then broken down into college and high school friends), family time, and work time. I've been on wonderful trips, read so many books, and have had so many amazing nights with friends. I can't help but be thankful for how splendiforous this summer has been!

I am going to savor this weekend. Though I'm not sure it will be that tasty, besides tonight. The rest of it will be packing and doing all sorts of last minute things.

I like college, and I love my friends, but I'm really not ready for classes. Boooooo. ;)

VIENNA COUNTDOWN: 19 days!!!

My parents bought me a new camera for my birthday. WOOOOO :)

so wonderful :) though I don't have it yet. Best Buy should be shipping it today. And I hope I get it tomorrow.

I also need to start a list of books I'm taking, and I would like other suggestions as well :)

-Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

-Atonement

-(maybe) Wuthering Heights

-(and maybe) The Time Travelers Wife (if my mother lets me borrow it for the fall)

And I think that's all I have so far, but I may be missing something I got.

Anymore suggestions?

I feel like Vienna by Billy Joel has come into my life in full force. It seems like everyone is saying that to me, sending me bumper stickers with it, singing it, talking about how it changed their lives, or how it completely fits them more than any other song ever... I will in fact probably sing it on the plane non stop so much that it will get instantly cliche' for everyone on that trip. So I apologize in advance. But I feel like it's been put in my face for a reason. Perhaps I'm just picking up on Vienna in conversation more than usual these days. :)

As much as I really don't like Taylor Swift, her lyrics are indeed catchy, and this guy did Love Story from Romeo's perspective, and it is about the sweetest thing ever. The lyrics are WAY cuter than anything "tswift" could ever put out. So thanks random asian dude. :)

Guess that's all for today dear readers :) have a merry weekend.

OOOO Ok thanks to mentalfloss I now know what I want to do the next few summers ;)

Update:12:26

I had to work for Martha upstairs today and seriously the entire time I spent looking at interesting pictures from the last 7 days on flickr. I'm so obsessed it's, well it's just bad. So please future self/aura/fate/whatever may I PLEASE be a photographer?!?

unrealistic dreams.

I was going to write this post yesterday since we girls in the office were discussing it then, but I decided to hold off until today because I had already posted something.

Jill, Elizabeth, Brittany, and I brought up the notion that romance as we see in the movies had seriously corrupted how we see romance in real life. With a few exceptions, no man in real life has ever come close to our expectations. While boys I've come across are sweet, they have no thought processes remotely close to what boys in the movies have. Or "have". Because you know some woman writer somewhere came up with this sticky sweet sap that men in movies throw up in girls' faces.

And it has gotten so bad that if a movie actually portrays a relationship like you would see in real life, I am so critical about it that I end up being mad at it. (see 500 Days of Summer. Apparently very realistic, but all I could see was that I was mad at Zoey Deschanel, however a very very sweet cute movie :D )

In the one serious relationship I've had I've expected so much of this crap, but it never came. I got disappointed, and then eventually realized that it never comes for anyone. No man goes out of his way to rent out a hot air balloon complete with a picnic, roses, and champagne, or goes to Paris to win back his beloved. In real life they wait for her to come back to him. A romantic night involves a semi-fast food dinner and a movie. And don't get me wrong, it's nice, because you aren't spending that much fun and are having just as much or more fun. But we girls have the idea that only a candle lit dinner in a fancy schmancy place is the only place you can get a bit of romance.

In romances, there is always a happy ending. The one you are forced to work with, the one that took you away from the obviously-way-too-wrong-for-you guy, or the one that notices you in your obscurity, is obviously the one for you, and is obviously who you are meant to be with. But life isn't like that. People are shallow and usually notice looks first, and only if you have to work with them on something or you have a boisterous personality do they notice the person behind the face.

We all imagine our love lives going differently. More perfect. It's all supposed to work out in the end with that perfect guy. We should kiss beautifully. We should be cute and coupley. We should never have red upper lips, or beard burn. Things don't have to turn into sex. You could in fact save that for marriage.

So while romantic movies fill our heads with warm fuzzies and hopes and dreams for the future of our potential or already in existance relationships, I feel like in this our dreams are dashed. When my last relationship was beginning I had those hopes that I would finally fufill all my childhood/tweenage/teenage dreams of romance. I would be blissfully happy with the first guy I loved. But it did not turn out that way. And don't get me wrong. I loved practically every moment of the relationship. I'm not sure romance even exists outside of novels and sappy love stories.

But I'm happy with it not. That's not true love- seeing what you can go out of the way and do for the person you are trying to please. True love is seeing each others faults and loving them anyway. True love is enjoying each others company, your heart swelling at the sight of them, and wanting only to be in their arms and no where else. Or at least this is what I have loved.

Maybe this blog is WAY too honest, but it's definitely how I'm growing to feel about romantic comedies (even though I think I will still always love them). I'm not bitter, just realistic, and I'm fine with this no romance thing... though it would be fabulous if that kinda stuff was real. :)

it'll be the hardest winter without you.

I love to write. But my problem that by the time I make it to a computer my thought process is shot. I was given the idea to write about my oh so hilarious love life, though it doesn't seem very hilarious while I'm living it. Or perhaps I just want to be able to write a blog everyday about something, in the hopes that it will make me a better writer.

I'll have something in the fall, but what about now?

So I'll start with this. I made one of the hardest decisions this past weekend to slightly end my long term relationship with Rob. And by slightly end, I mean get used to not being together everyday. But the inital break happened because of lots of things: unsaid things that just bubbled over, then I realized that my relationship with God has faltered greatly and I've got to get that back, and finally we really need to get used to being apart for three months. I was never going to be able to do that cold turkey, and maybe now this fall will be a little easier on us.

I guess I said all that to answer any questions... though I'm not sure anyone noticed on Facebook anyway. ha

Lately I've wanted to become more crafty. I have this urge to go to Hobby Lobby and buy some wooden letters for Kelcy and I for our dorm room in the spring and paint them. Or make cute little canvas pictures with bible verses. I am wondering what that would cost...

Yesterday I went through my bookshelf and cleaned out everything that I no longer read or stuff I didn't like or just stuff from middle school that I still had lying around. I came across every single notebook I ever kept with friends, and a few diaries I had started and like everything else I start quickly quit. I found one diary in particular that I had a really great laugh at. In every entry I said something to the effect of "I just realized how much I want a boyfriend." Seriously. Every. Single. Time. Like it was a new revelation or something. We were so silly in our younger years, everything so difficult in our puberty. There were several boys mentioned that I had a crush on, with silly descriptions of what I liked about them, and just thinking about what became of those guys and what became of our friendship and how screwed up some of them are, and I thanked God that nothing ever happened with them.

But it's interesting who I did end up going out with in my formative years. Some of them were definitely not the right choices, and I question whether I really liked them or if I just went out with them because I was desperate for that kind of attention. It took me 18 years to find someone who was worth my time, and I'm not sure I would've changed that. I may have thought I was ready and maybe I would've been had it happened, but so many things wouldn't have happened for me if I had been dating someone. So yes mother, everything worked out ok.

I just realized I forgot to write an update on how the allergist went. He basically told me everything I already knew, but had to do one of those skin tests anyway. Lets just say that it was not the most comfortable thing in the world. 10 plastic little needles stuck in your back at the same time is pretty gross, and when you are allergic to 8 out of the 10, it gets pretty itchy. The result was that I was in fact allergic to many nuts, including coconut and hazelnut, but not pecan or cashews. Which is good because I adore cashews. But maybe I just love those particular nuts because they don't make me feel sick. And because I'm so allergic to several nuts the doctor deemed it necessary for me to have an epi-pen. Yes indeedy. An EPIPEN. I never thought in all my years that I would require an epipen to live. And thus have to carry it around. But I can't stand having one on me, so I don't carry it. Yes I'm a bad person. So I guess I deserve it if I die. Ha.

I can't decide if I'm ready for school to start or not. I'm ready to see friends, but not ready for classes to begin. I'm ready to just go to Vienna and not have to worry about whether I'm moving in for two weeks or commuting every day.

I should start a list of all the books I've read this summer and give them critique.
Maybe starting with the most recent.

-The Host by Stephenie Meyer- very boring. Maybe I'm not into it yet, but I should be 150 pages in right? Not as captivating as Twilight fo sho.

-Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers- LOVE this book. I feel like every girl (Christian or not) should read this. Several people have told me that they want a guy like Michael Hosea, but I really feel like this book is more to remind us that God will always come and find us if we stray and even more when it's on purpose. Or if we stray because it's better for others, but in the end the right person finds us to bring us back to Him again. Not the best written, but definitely challenging and sweet.

-Airhead & Being Nikki, Queen of Babble Gets Hitched all by Meg Cabot- what can I say? This has been the summer of Meg Cabot. I love her and her books even if they are pretty predictable.

-Looking for Alaska by John Green- John Green is pretty predictable as well. Though he's got the guy's side of things down. All his books follow a pattern with a slight change, but they are witty and wise and I thoroughly enjoy them. Though An Abundance of Katherines is still my favorite.

-Blame It on Paris- by Jennifer something- This was a pretty cute romance novel, would never happen, but when do romance novels ever?

-The Perfect Fit by Louise Kean- What a silly book. It was a very quick read, but still silly silly silly. She didn't even paint the main guy you were supposed to like in a good light. He was a fat mean guy. What girl wants that? Good thing I got it for free from Book 'em and then sold it for profit last night at Hastings. woo!

-Harry Potter 6 & 7 by JK Rowling- still arguably the best two Harry Potters in the series, I got through them so quickly and still enjoyed them more than ever. I hadn't read Deathly Hallows since the day it came out and really enjoyed going back through it in a more concious state. It made me want the movies to come out, like now.

-The Vienna guidbook- sorry, but I HAVE been poring through it at a breakneck speed, highlighting every single thing I want to go to. So Bethany and Mar you better be prepared to do something every single afternoon. :)

-Alphabet Weekends by Elizabeth Noble- SUCH a cute novel. Definitely worth the $2.50 I paid for it at Rhino books. If a man was ever going to try devilishly hard to get me to date him, I would recommend he try and do this for me. ;)

That's all I can remember right now, but I'm pretty proud of myself for reading twelve books in a summer. Though I attribute that to proctoring the ACT every Tuesday and Thursday and having four hours to myself. But still good deal. :)

I may have to quit The Host. It's just annoying. And I want to read Avalon High (also by Meg Cabot, do you see the obsession?) that I bought in Indianapolis last weekend. And I want to get that done by next week since I don't want to take it to Vienna.

Oh that's another thing. I'm looking for some good classics that would take me a little while to get through. I only want to take a few books but I want them to last me a good while. So far I have Atonement and Pride and Prejudice to take. But what is another good one to take?

Hope to get some responses :)

i hope that someone gets my message in a bottle.

So lately I've been wanting to compose a list of things people may not know about me. But I really have no idea why I have that urge to just spill my guts.



-I have a thing against pretzels. I cannot stand to eat them if they're in Chex Mix but I love them dipped in chocolate.



-I have crazy vivid dreams and usually remember them. Like last night I felt like I was dreaming, but was really awake, though I was still dreaming. ]



-As much as I would like to say I've grown up, I don't think I have. I rely way too much on my parents still.



-This may be a blog post that needs to be dedicated to itself, but I feel so much pressure to get engaged. I know I know. I'm 19, two months from 20, and don't even have enough money to live on my own, let alone try and support a family (though I'm no where near wanting kids). I know about 8 people who've gotten married or engaged this summer and it unnerves me. Like I'm behind, even though I'm sort of ahead for my age. There is way way way too much in life left to do before I even think about settling down. Thus I hate this feeling like I'm not doing something right.



-I have developed a bit of stage fright. Which is odd because I love the stage. But everytime I even think about getting back up on a stage or in front of people I don't know to sing I get extreme butterflies in my stomach. In fact when I think of possibly trying out for American Idol I almost feel like I'm going to throw up, and I get extremely nervous when I think about trying out for Singarama. I've been trying to figure out what I would try out on all summer. Is that weird? Very.



-I have decided to change my major yet again. I'm not sure why I even thought about doing American Studies. That was very dumb of me. But now I'm thinking Marketing/Graphic Design with a possible minor in Public Relations. I don't know why I came to this decision, though I attribute my thought process to Jill Thompson and her apparent love of both. I have a craving to design stuff, but I just need someone to need me to do something.



-I guess this isn't unknown, but my secret desire is to be a photographer. But everything I love to do seems to not be making much money these days, so I'm not a very good planner.



-Oh that's another thing. I am stupid. I think I put this smart air off, but I am so ridiculously dumb. I don't make good choices for myself, even though I think I am. I say silly things, do silly things, make silly decisions for myself... I really only attribute my good gpa in high school to such low standards that the county set for us. And apparently everyone else who went to any other school got a better education. Ha.

-I am actually very nervous about going to Vienna. Half of me is overjoyed, exhuberant about being away for three months in Europe... EUROPE! Like I love it already but I know I'll love it even more when I come home. And then the other half of me is petrified of what will happen while I'm there. What will come of certain relationships, what will come of my GPA, how will I manage to write a research paper while I'm there, or get anything done besides just travelling. Because that's all I'm going to want to do.

-I have stopped watching the Disney Channel. Which is sorta a big step for me, though I still know most of the music on it, and I kinda went to see Jordan Pruitt, David Archuleta, and Demi Lovato last night. But I didn't know any of Demi's stuff except la la land, and I only know that from Pandora. And being the biggest kid there last night didn't prevent me from buying a bag. :) And even though it was a Disney production I have got to admit that it was a great concert. Jordan was phenomenal, she should be bigger than most of the other stars on that channel, David was great even though he was sick, I would really like for him to sing to me every night. :)
My mom and I only stayed for like 4 of Demi's song, but she was pretty good too.
And apparently Taylor Swift was in the audience as well as Dylan and Cole Sprouse. Weird.

-I'm ready for something. I'm not sure what, and maybe it's just Vienna, but I cannot stay focused here anymore. I've gotta move. Do something different. Be away from a computer longer than a weekend.

I'm going to Shakespeare in the park tonight with my darling, and I'm pretty excited about it. David Corlew FTW! :)

the weekend in recap

Friday Rob came to pick me up and we went to see 500 Days of Summer here in Nashville. While I was mad with Zooey Daschanels character by the end, it was a very very cute movie. I loved Joseph Gordon Levitt. I was expecting a more nerdy introverted character like a Michael Cera but he was confident and charming without the looks of one of Hollywood's leading men. That's the kind of guy I think I gravitate toward. Someone not every single girl is fawning over.

Anyway, lots of cute lines, and a pretty great message about finding the right one at the right time. No "Away We Go", but still very good. Definitely better than Funny People, The Ugly Truth, or the other trash Hollywood has put out this summer.

Rob and I then went to eat at SATCo, which I can honestly say is probably my favorite Nashville restaurant. MMM talking about it just makes me want it even more. :) We then hunted down f.y.e on West End to take advantage of their single cds all being $9.99, and I had about 4 things picked out until my conscience gnawed away at me and told me to put everything back. But hey there's always birthday and christmas. :)

Friday night Emily and I had a girl's night and went to the new Japanese restaurant Samurai at home. You could choose Hibachi or Fine Dining. We chose the latter because I really wanted to try the sushi. We had a coupon for a free appetizer so we got the popcorn shrimp... oh man. Maybe the best appetizer I've ever had. The salad not so much, but the soup was good, and when the entree actually came I was very surprised. 8 of each kind of sushi, california (definitely the best), vegetable, salmon, and tuna. The last two I was very disgusted by, but Sunday night i cooked them and they were actually better (imagine that!). All in all, a very fun experience, but pretty pricey. Though not more than Fuji's or Kobe's.

Saturday I went to the US Space and Rocket Center with my family and Rob, and we had a lot of fun! (see photos on facebook). We saw the IMAX movie Magnificent Desolation narrated by Tom Hanks. I promise you anything that man does is good. (yes even angels and demons.) But the movie got me to thinking, we no longer have heroes anymore. You probably read that and thought 'Well what about the men and women serving over seas?'. And yes you are correct. They are heroes, but I mean the heroes of history that dared to do something different. Something never tried before. It was all risky business, they succeeded and America put them on their shoulders for a few decades.

The film touched on the fact that young kids in America today hardly have any clue who the first men to walk on the moon were. And it's sad that the people they know the most are rappers, actors, or sports figures, whose lives are so screwed up they have no redeeming qualities.

I was discussing this with my family, and Rob made the observation that we no longer have heroes because everyone's lives are put in the media so much. I personally think that if Lance Armstrong had peaked in the 1960s, he would've been huge. I mean a guy who can win what like 7 Tour de Frances on top of having testicular cancer is a huge winner in my books. But the fact that he left his wife for Sheryl Crow turned me off of his possible Heroic nature.

Olympic athletes are heroes, Michael Phelps won 8 medals for heavens sake! But then he goes and gets busted for using marijuana. Point is, we all have flaws. So then, who do we put our hope in? America desperately needed people to put their hope and faith in in the Stormy Sixties (as the American Pageant put it ;) ) and the astronauts were just the right people. And now that we're in such a sticky and corrupted time now, I feel like there is no better time for a hero to show up.

I am patiently waiting for you.



After the museum we came home and saw Funny People which absolutely blew. As bad as some of the movies have been this summer, I have never wanted to get up and leave one. But Funny People made me want to. Sure it was Judd Apatow, and maybe I haven't seen enough of his stuff to know what to expect, but even the 40 year old virgin wasn't as bad as this. Enough f words to last me the rest of the year, and enough male body humor to last me the rest of my life. I'm sorry, that stuff is NOT funny. There is more in this world to poke fun at than your problems down there. Ugh, I really honestly loathed that movie.

And I hate it when movies put you in bad moods. For the rest of the night I just was in this funk I couldn't push away. Sure that sounds childish, but no movie should make you feel like that, unless it was just some super depressing documentary about starving African orphans, or the dying breed of the pygmy puff.

Sorry, that was enough of a rant.

Sunday I went to JoZoara with Nickarus and got a Moose Track blended coffee. Oh mylanta. Best thing I've ever put in my mouth. And I guess the other notable thing about yesterday is that I finished Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. What a great book! I can see why all my friends adore it so. It had a message I definitely needed to hear. How I wish I could have the faith of Michael Hosea, or the love for people like he did. It's making me reassess some things in my life that definitely need reassessing.

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? -Romans 8:31-32